Cumhuriyet İlahiyat Dergisi

Abstract

This study points out
the importance and meaning of apologizing as a moral value in
compensating the imperfections committed by individuals in social relations and
correcting the deteriorating relationships. Accepting that every person can
make mistakes is the most essential element that paves the way for the
emergence of apology as a virtue. It teaches one to accept that he/she may be
wrong, not to consider himself superior to anyone, and arouses the will and
will not to make such mistakes. Apology tells the necessity to be respectful
and to value other people as well as to be honest. Apologizing is like forcing
a person to be honest, and it tells you about the need to care about other
people and to be respectful. It is seen that different kinds of apologies are
made according to the culpable, guilty person, the environment, the victim, and
the situation of the defect. This study discusses the meaning of the words used
in apologizing whether they mean full apology or not, the meaning of the
apology, its moral dimension, and its relationship with repentance. It also
discusses the reasons for the apology, apologizing strategies, accountability,
assuming responsibility, proposing repairs, and making promises on not doing
something wrong again. The similarity of repentance in religious traditions
with apologizing was emphasized, and the relationship between forgiveness and
apology was evaluated in terms of the attitudes that the parties should adopt.
Finally, as a rule of value and courtesy, suggestions were made on how to
provide apologies education in the family.

Summary: This study draw
attention to the meaning and importance of apologizing as a moral value in
compensating for the imperfections that individuals have committed against each
other in social relations and in correcting broken relationships. Acknowledging
that every person can make mistakes is the most important element that paves
the way for the emergence of an apology as a virtue. Accepting that one can be
wrong teaches that one should not think of himself as superior to anyone and
arouses the will and desire not to make such mistakes. Apologizing leads people
to be honest and tells them about the need to care about other people and be
respectful.

Apologizing is
admitting that the rhetoric, actions, and practices that lead to apologies are
not fair, accurate, and legitimate. First, apologizing means that the person to
whom we made a mistake is a human being. It means that accepting anyone can
make a mistake, and we can be wrong. It gives this person the understanding that
s/he should not be superior to anyone else. It also arouses a desire and will
not make such mistakes anymore. Apologizing tells you the necessity of caring
and respecting other people as well as forcing people to be honest. The person
who apologizes to him is undoubtedly respectable. The respected person will
surely appreciate to others. The basis of social order and life is mutual
respect. Being able to apologize draws the individual's point of view to the
end where he or she should be and provides the basis for the healthy
functioning of the social order by gaining the understanding of respect for
other people. Also, being  able to
apologize is an expression of confession, honesty, and sincerity. Apologizing
in this respect is a virtue and merit. The society that values are lost and
surrounded by selfishness and nihilism must be turned into virtues, and people
who know the value of human beings.

The good and virtuous
person is not without fault, s/he is the one who apologizes for the mistakes,
s/he has committed or seeks ways to redeem that mistake, s/he is the one who
returns from his/her mistake. Apologizing should be not only a
responsibility but also an indicator of self-confidence. It should not be
forgotten that conscientious accounting is a self-judgment. S/he can quickly
apologize for stepping on someone else's feet, soiling his clothes, but s/he
does not think of a full apology consisting of remorse, compensation, and
repair for the person who has taken away a person's right, poisoned his life
and tarnished his future.

When the parent says
that the child should apologize, a process will be initiated for the child to
consider. If the child apologizes in front of his or her parent, who points to
the necessity of this, it is an important step in the child's moral education,
and this indicates that the child internalizes these norms and engages in
independent moral accounting. Because s/he now realizes that a value s/he
defends without dictating from the outside has been violated, and therefore,
has the motivation to make an apology.

Arrogance is the
biggest obstacle to apologizing. In men-women relations, it can be seen that
women are more easily able to apologize, they do not consider apologizing as an
indicator of as powerlessness and insulted as men. A manager, a boss, a leader,
or a president can delay or fail to realize that his/her authority and dignity
will diminish when s/he apologizes to his/her subordinate and those under
his/her command. Men in the family, teachers at school, managers in the institution,
boss and so on leader and authority persons refrain from apologizing by going
to show and bless what they say and do to legitimize the past, to forget or
reject mistakes, to prevent them from being questioned morally. This tells us
the importance of internalizing the understanding of apologetics as a social
culture starting with the family.

Individual mistakes
should be apologized for in daily life, institutional errors, as well as for
some unfortunate incidents. Apologies have the potential for establishing a
suitable basis for the establishment of a culture of dialogue in inter-communal
relations and sharing some common values and interests. Apologies can
contribute significantly to the development of a culture of tolerance,
cooperation, and peaceful coexistence among communities.

When a defect
requiring a committed apology, the event must be evaluated not only from a
unilateral perspective, but from a whole context and sides so that the
perpetrator can adopt the feelings and understanding of the victim.

In the apology, there
should be a strategy such as an expression of regret, accountability, taking
responsibility, offering repairs, and making promises on not happening again.
Repentance in religious traditions is similar to an apology. In the face of
apology, the victim reduces negative feelings towards the offender by forgiving
and repairs the relationship. Apologies are a reputation-protecting action for
the victim, while a discreditable step is taking place for the wrong person. It
is also important to forgive and protect the reputation of the person who made
a mistake. Like the cultural past, gender causes men and women to choose
different apology strategies. Various forms of apology are also influenced by
factors such as age, income status, occupation, and ethnicity. The time to
apologize, the environment, the mood of the interlocutor must be well
calculated. If enough care is not given to them, the apology may not reach its
purpose, and thus, there is no possibility of correcting the broken relationship.

Since childhood, it is
important to teach individuals that a person may have been guilty by making
mistakes towards others, society and the environment. Also, individuals should
be educated on apologizing from others when needed. The child should apologize
when he/she makes a mistake by taking the model in his / her family and the
people around him and should be forgiving in cases made against him/her.